The Self-Serving Regurgitators’ Visit
Self-Serving Regurgitators would come and sit at the ledge for a little while and talk to me. Always starting off with mundane topics and small talk. At first I didn‘t mind their visit because it felt like they were keeping me company. Sometimes it even felt like there was a connection. To a certain extent I was just happy to not feel so alone anymore. I was surprised that someone actually wanted my company in the state I was in. Sometimes even asking for my advice.
It took me a long time to notice that they never really were responding to what I shared with them though. Instead their responses had more to do with themselves. It soon felt as though they had their backs turned to me while sitting on the ledge. Even to the point that they would straight up avoid responding to what I said and change the focus to how bad life treated them. All of a sudden I would find myself consoling them from way down in my depression hole. Eventually some would show up, an unannounced visit if you will, with absolutley no regard to how I felt or I was doing. They just started pouring more and more of their emotional difficulties into my well shaft. Leaving me me feeling like an emotional trash can.
My depression, medical journey and multiple experiences with the faultfinders helped me become empathetic and a good listener. My need for connection however left me completely open to other individuals that didn’t respect my personal, mental and physical boundries.
What first felt like it was giving me purpose and taking my mind off of my health concerns soon became very taxing. This kind of visit would be so exhausting that I never had enough energy to deal with my own issues after such an encounter. Pouring from an empty cup so to speak. Before I could even think of doing anything for myself I needed to clear up the emotional mess they left behind. That again required me to pour from my cup into someone else’s.
Self-Serving Regurgatators never ‘digest’ what you share with them — hardly ever grasping the urgency or magnitude of the situation. Instead they regurgate the badly absorbed information and add an extra helping of themselves for you to ruminate over. It’s almost like they want you to reflect and do all the hard work for them instead of doing it themselves. Never learning from their mistakes. Very much like the cuckoo laying its eggs in a host’s nest for it to take care of, even at the expense of the host’s own offspring.